Oh where, and oh where has my leather daddy gone?
He's gone out to play with his tightest corset on.
Oh, the Lollypop Man has an average-sized stick,
And he'd never think of offering an unsanitary lick.
He says to brush your teeth whenever you can,
He's a fine upstanding citizen, the Lollypop Man.
In South of Market I was beat,
Sir! Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir!
In a bar on Folsom Street
I found in South of Market.
May I have another, please
Sir, Yes Sir! Thank you Sir!
I'll be happy on my knees
Or bound in South of Market.
I'll bring a crop if you'll bring a cane
to an English perverts' garden.
I'd love to cause you all kinds of pain
in an English perverts' garden.
If you like the Mode Anglaise,
visit in your tightest stays;
switch me with sprays of ha-a-zel.
We'll have good dirty fun in the pastoral terrain
of an English perverts' garden.
I can flog you, I can whack and cane,
I can tie you up, I can give you pain.
I have clamps and piercing needles too,
I'm a bad-ass top, and I'm hot for you.
Down on Folsom Street it's you I did admire,
And to dominate you was my fond desire.
Then it's down to the dungeon for you to undress
And try out my newest toy from Mr. S.
I can flog you...
Brands and scalpels here, whips and paddles there,
Lots of latex gloves, eyebolts everywhere;
Leather hoods and gags and cuffs with many rings:
These are just a few of my favorite things.
Here's to the Tops, we love them so well,
Though some are very slow starters.
Here's to their whips and here's to their belts,
And here's to their black leather garters.
Here's to the bottoms, we love them so well,
Though some are regular martyrs.
Here's to their screams and here's to their welts,
And here's to their black leather garters.
(With apologies to Jon Berger)
With whip and with handcuffs, with drum and with bell,
We sing our wassail, me boys, to wish you all well.
Long life and endorphins to all who live here.
God bless you and send you, God bless you and send you,
God bless you and send you a kinky New Year.
Through Gingrich and Dworkin we come to your door,
And negotiation is all we implore.
And then we'll behave with improper decorum;
The lube and the latex, the lube and the latex,
The lube and the latex drive sorrows before 'em.
Quirts, crops, cats, and paddles in rhythm that's steady,
And needles and scalpels for those who are ready.
Safe sex and perversion our songs will extol
So bring out your toy bags, so bring out your toy bags,
So bring out your toy bags and give [us | up] control.
Come join in our wassail and lift up your voice.
For now is the season to play and rejoice.
And number your blessings the great and the small.
Good friends and companions, good friends and companions,
The sick and the twisted the greatest of all.